Before I fell pregnant. I would honestly always look at people with babies and think “No thanks.” Or “I’ll probably just be the cool Auntie.” Looking back now I would say I definitely used to be a selfish person. I think certain situations in my life made me that way, the people I associated with, the lifestyle I was living, being hurt in relationships, friendships etc. If something wasn’t going my way, I wouldn’t compromise. If I wanted something and I couldn’t have it, it was like the end of the world.
Having a baby changed me in such a positive way and as it turns out, I am so maternal. I would say being a mother is my talent. Me and Jack are great parents to Freddie and considering we hadn’t been together very long before we had Freddie, it’s made our relationship even stronger and more exciting than it was at the start! It just proves that you shouldn’t always judge or be hesitant on the length of time you’ve known/been with someone. Don’t ever feel you need to explain yourself to other people either! People who have been together for years can have a baby and it all goes messy! You never know. Your instincts will always know what is best for you.
If anyone asked me what my talent was before having a baby, I honestly wouldn’t be able to come up with one? As soon as Freddie arrived I took to being a mother so well and I’m so proud of myself for it (and jack as being a dad). I never felt that I had a passion before becoming a mum or even a purpose? I never really had a long term hobby or commitment to anything I enjoyed. I was literally just trying to find happiness out of materialistic things and I tell you now, full happiness doesn’t come from that. I’m not saying my life was miserable, not at all. Me and my friends have some crazy, fun memories that we will never forget! It was just my fault for prioritising more toxic things in my life over spending time making more memories with my friends at the time.
Being a mother teaches you that you can’t always have what you want, when you want it. To put someone else before yourself and it doesn’t even feel like a chore. It’s such a strong love that you wouldn’t dare put yourself before them, ever. I always thought “No way you’ll be catching me waking up during the night for a baby” WRONG. As soon as that little man is awake in the night, I’m straight up! Knowing that I’m the one making him feel comforted and loved is a much better feeling. I mean of course it will, but you do think totally different about it before actually becoming a parent. You don’t consider the bond and connection you would have. You just see it as “having A baby.”
Everyone has different ways of finding themselves and finding their happiness. I used to love going shopping, partying, probably more than I should of done, but I “needed” nice things to make me happy and I “needed” to go out to be happy. Turns out this wasn’t MY happy. It was like I was living as a fake me? Also obviously just growing up and learning lessons. I would spend money on ridiculous things that I didn’t even need and forget about it the next day. Now though, spending money isn’t my main priority. I would choose the company of my family over money ANY day. Of course this is the natural way parenting and having a family should work, but I think we’d find a lot of people do still rely on money for happiness after having a family. I now understand what people mean when they say that money isn’t happiness. When you think about it, it’s such an amazing, beautiful thing that your child can change you into a whole new better person and teach you such a big lesson in life. It brings you down back down to earth. My family are what truly make me happy. Everything else is just a bonus.
Having a baby has also changed me as a girlfriend and a friend. Before, I had such a guard up with everyone. I cared way too much about how I came across to people and I wasn’t real enough with people close to me and even myself. I have now become so understanding and see things in a different, more positive way. I’m so much more open in my relationship and can be myself. I’m so lucky to be with someone who fully supports Freddie and I, in every way. I’m more grateful for the little things also. I’m more open in my friendships and have been able to realise who my real friends are! I’ve found myself and I’m confident in myself and the way I think.
When people would say “A baby changes you so much.” I would always think “How? This is me? How can I change if this IS me?” I was so wrong. A baby changes you in ways you wouldn’t even think. I was one of them people who needed to have my eyes opened and have that big reality check ASAP. Some people don’t want to have children and they will have other ways of finding themselves. Mine was Freddie and of course my relationship with someone who accepts me for who I am, loves me and shows me that everyday.
Everyone deserves to be happy!
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